A Grey Cloud

My mind is scattered lately... like i lost the ability to think sharply...
Having difficulties finding the right words...
Lonely. Yet i am not alone.
He is here.
Melancholy, yes?

Find myself searching online images that remind me of D/s
They don't even have to be explicit...they don't always have sexual innuendos...
It can be just a lace or tall trees, leather, furniture with a damask pattern...
Other times it's kneeling, worshiping...yet being cherished and protected...
  
Black and white images are particularly calming.
They, or its more the emotions they inflict make me feel
Safe...like a protective grey cloud.

But i must confess...
There is something about a state of melancholy that i like...
Its surprisingly - familiar.

Can't really explain it, but this is when the submissive in me becomes
Even more alive...Needing of pain, being used, claimed and protected...

  
 
 

First time for everything

I'm still not allowed to call him 'Sir'. 
There for, until I'l be able to do so, 
I'll reference him here as "Caleb"
_______________________________

Other then not allowing me to refer to him as Sir,
there were no other punishments ever.
Just disappointed looks now and then.

I asked him a few times if he is ever going to punish me.
To which he replied that he wasn't comfortable punishing me.

Well, I guess this morning he finally felt comfortable enough.
He told me something, and in return I nodded instead
of saying "Yes Caleb"....

Then he very calmly said : You do realize that I need to punish you right now, don't you?
Needles to say it was a rhetorical question, to which of course I replied "Yes Caleb".

He ordered me to stand on my hands and knees on the bed, and then went away to the
other room to bring the crop.

Now instead of cropping my ass he gave me a caning.
It hurt and burn like hell...
And I tried my best NOT to enjoy it.
 

This is the implement that has left beautiful markings

Learning Patience part II

You can read about part I here : Learning Patience

It has been a month since things fell apart.
You see, what happened was brought by a big deal of miscommunication. And we are both at fault.

He is not a man who is big on sharing whatever goes inside his mind.
I'm on the other hand, have no fucking problem expressing ( see also: shouting, screaming, yelling) whatever bothers me. And i dont release control that easily. Although i thought i did.

What happened was kinda a blessing in disguise:
The cards fell open on the table.
We learned where each of us stood.
What were the expectations for the futer.

Now, He feels more comfortable with dominating me ( even gets creative, which melts me away)
I feel more submisive which i think is directly linked to him opening up. There for i can trust him more...you know what i mean ?

I don't have the earge to demand dominance...because now i know that he does and he will.

I just need to learn to be even more patient and less demanding.
To learn to release.

When HE DECIDES that i deserve of his dominance it feels so climatic, exiting, magical, erotic, demanding, powerful, overpowering...........(Just got horny writing this)

He said: I never stopped and never will stop bein your Dominant!

Good morning

Come on. Get up!

Can I feel your hand on my ass first ?
(and i turned on my said offering my ass to him)

He smiled...that wicked smile....you know...

S-m-a-c-k....

It has been to long seance i had a good spanking...so naturally i was excited!

S-m-a-c-k S-m-a-c-k S-m-a-c-k ....

Good morning (my name)!

Good morning...
i manage to moan back....

S-m-a-c-k S-m-a-c-k S-m-a-c-k S-m-a-c-k S-m-a-c-k S-m-a-c-k ....

Good morning (my name)!

Good.... morning....

He turnes me on my back, grabs my ankles and hold my legs high.

S-m-a-c-k Good S-m-a-c-k Morning S-m-a-c-k ...

Then he releases my ankles. Opens my legs and takes out his cock.

(What ?! Im still having my period....!)

Please don't take my panties off...(i plead)

Stop topping from the bottom! I know you are on your period!

Starts to spank my pussy with his.... HARD  COCK
Proceeds spanking my ass with his other hand.....


It was SO erotic!!!

Learning patience

After what happened last week I feel....
More submisive then ever. But it feels deferent.

We had many heart to heart talks. Many things
Were said. Things that probably (sadly) would not be shared
Under regular circumstances. Especially from him.

I am hopeful that it will make us stronger; as a couple, as husband and wife, as friends and as a couple in a D/s dynamic.

I can see now, that I wasn't nearly the submisive i thought i was
And did not get what submission truly is.
Just starting to understand that SUBMISSION IS PATIENCE....
I'm not good at being patient.

"When you want something, there is no stopping you" He says.

I need to learn to wait. To wait for Him. To follow Him
And the moment he'll decide to give of his attention to me....
his dominance...
That moment will be overpowering.

For now I'm working to deserve the "kitty" status again...
For now he lovingly calls me "My chaotic creature" ...
(I kinda starting to like it :-) )

Missing my Sir

For the past week Sir and I have barely seen each other...
Although we slept in the same bed, we saw each other maybe two
hours, tops.

The weekend is here. The only time we have to look forward
for being in each othes presence.....and guess what ?
We are having family spending the night....sigh....

I miss his touch, the spanking, His dominance, I crave for a taste of him....I miss ttwd...

My mouth waters just from imagining his perfect cock close to my lips....

The other day i was folding his tshirt, and i missed him so....i inhaled his smell....

Oh how I LOVE Sirs smell. Its absolutely devine!

Hopefully we‘ll have some time soon to submerge in the beautiful world of ttwd....