Wednesday, July 30, 2014


I don't know where to start...
So I'll just start whining now...

Vanilla is holding us hostage: No sex, verrrry little kink and definitely no D/s

He has been sick for almost two weeks now. I'm talking about sleepless nights and
a horse amount of all kind of medications.
He is doing better but still is physically weak.
Meanwhile i became the just happened.......

Now, before that was the period, and we all know what that means: two weeks of bitch fast.
During all that : EXAMS.
So that took some life force from both of us.

Today we had a fight after a "fail" play. Of Course he wasn't on his best game - he IS still recovering, but nooooooo, he thought it would be a good idea to play the role of a dominant. And you know what? This is exactly how it felt - him PLAYING a role and being truly dominant.

It was a totally stupid fight , that started by him asking me "whats wrong? "
Why does he do that?! and how the fuck he always knows?!

Things were said.....

A few hours later he spanked me until....
After about 15 minutes (i don't know actually how much time, but it felt about 15 min)
he went away for a few moments a brought some ice and rubbed it on my ass...
for a moment i thought he was doing it to soothe the pain, but then he cropped me!

It burned like hell!

Suddenly i felt the cane part of the crop (you can see it in my post first time for everything )
I shuddered and tried to wiggle myself away...he just moved it across the tortured skin. it felt very raw.
I heard him chuckle at my attempt to protest.....

Did you enjoy the ice?
Yes...But i thought you brought it to soothe my skin....

No. I knew it will hurt more when I'll use the crop.

The thing is,  I am feeling totally UNsubmissive.
Have absolutely no idea where to start to try and patch things up... and go back
to that happy place...the D/s place...where D = Him and s = me



  1. Ah, that is a hard place to be. Sometimes when I am there I wish he could fix it from his side, but the change must come from within, dear grasshopper(giggles*). Sure he can help, but for me at least, it's a condos decision. I meditate on the qualities I love about him, reminisce on times spent in his arms and over his lap, read a few good blog entries. It will come to you subkitty :-)

    1. Damn auto correct! I meant Conscious, not condos.

    2. Thank you for the advice RW !
      But when I'm there I get stuck and can't see clearly at all.... But i am trying and hopefully i'll get some control soon over this "beast"