Saturday, May 31, 2014

First time for everything

I'm still not allowed to call him 'Sir'. 
There for, until I'l be able to do so, 
I'll reference him here as "Caleb"

Other then not allowing me to refer to him as Sir,
there were no other punishments ever.
Just disappointed looks now and then.

I asked him a few times if he is ever going to punish me.
To which he replied that he wasn't comfortable punishing me.

Well, I guess this morning he finally felt comfortable enough.
He told me something, and in return I nodded instead
of saying "Yes Caleb"....

Then he very calmly said : You do realize that I need to punish you right now, don't you?
Needles to say it was a rhetorical question, to which of course I replied "Yes Caleb".

He ordered me to stand on my hands and knees on the bed, and then went away to the
other room to bring the crop.

Now instead of cropping my ass he gave me a caning.
It hurt and burn like hell...
And I tried my best NOT to enjoy it.

This is the implement that has left beautiful markings


  1. Congrats?

    I think really knowing that you can't cross the lines...that you can't be disrespectful can be so helpful...both to your mindset and your behaviour.


    BTW, the cane is beautiful!!

    1. Thank you

      I agree Fiona. I always thought that this is important for the state of mind we are in as a D/s couple. Its is good to know there are consequences.

      I guess he used the cane part of the crop before when he was cropping my behind....but i was so in the moment that i fell to notice.... :)

  2. How did you and your Caleb decide that punishments would be part of your dynamic? You said that he was not comfortable punishing you.
    XOXO Pearl

    1. Well..... I knew i NEEDED boundaries badly ...
      I was pushing HIS lines (consciously and subconsciously) just to see if he has it in him to control me....
      We had many conversions in which i asked of him to establish consequences for my actions, but he still wouldn't.
      But i guess this has changed after what happened last month.

      With that being said, i don't think he will punish me over every little thing.

      I feel like, If there are rules, there must be consequences...

      Do you have punishment as part of your dynamic?

  3. I agree, "If there are rules, there must be consequences..."

    We are in an evolution of sorts with our dynamic but punishment has not been part of our dynamic. To be honest. That is the most difficult thing I have asked for. We are very open with each other, we hold nothing back....with the exception of this. I am having such a hard time saying that I need/want punishment and maintenance- separate from the sexual spanking he does.

    So many thoughts run through my mind. Why is this so difficult for me?! He has given me some seriously intense spankings. Left marks. Left me gasping. Spanked me with the intention of taking me to our safe-word. The intent of spanking me out of punishment is the only difference. Why does this one piece make me behave so unlike myself towards Him? I am not reserved for him- I truly (normally) bare it all to him.

    This is what I referred to in my recent post when I said my mind screams out the answers when He asks me "What do you need" and I just cannot open my mouth to say it. We have talked more, and I do write/journal to Him. I can't even bring myself to say it clearly there either. Have I requested consequences, yes. But to just outright bring punishment spanking to the table? I haven't been able to. Part of it may be the difficulty in rejection if it were to occur.

    On we go. My Man and I will always have areas to improve on =)

    Needing boundaries- I very much know how you feel!
    XOXO Pearl

    1. The physical pain does not differ. Its the emotional effect.
      His words "I am going to punish you" changed how I processed the pain....
      Sometimes i can't say the words either....then i write to him....or even whisper in his ear....
      Sounds like your man feels that there is something you are not sharing....